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Hi! I’m Rachel! I started blogging in January of 2012 when I first found out I was pregnant. We had been trying for awhile and were thrilled beyond belief. I had visions of documenting my pregnancy and infancy of our little bundle of joy with the use of this blog.
Then my world came crashing down.
Very shortly after finding out I was pregnant, I started to bleed, and even though I tried to convince myself otherwise, I knew the reality was that I was miscarrying. I never imagined that something like a miscarriage could break me so much, but it did. Prior to my experience, I was naive. I never thought that miscarriage was that big of a deal (shame on me!). I knew it was common, and it wasn’t talked about much (it seems to be one of those hush hush topics that people don’t want to talk about.) No one could have prepared me for the heaviness I felt deep in my heart, and even though I knew it wasn’t my fault, I couldn’t help but to feel that way.
I decided to keep up with the blog (very sporadically) because it helped me sort through my thoughts and feelings. I never imagined that I would end up sharing it with the world.
I went through the motions of life for a few months, and then we got pregnant again in late March of 2012. We were ecstatic and terrified at the same time. I started bleeding the day after my positive pregnancy test and immediately felt cheated. Why allow me to get pregnant to just take it away so quickly again?
I called my doctor, got a quantitative pregnancy test, and was told that the HCG levels in my blood were abnormally low. In fact, the HCG was the lowest possible amount that would register a positive pregnancy test. I was told that the bleeding would likely continue and that I was probably going to miscarry.
I went back two days later, and not only did my HCG level double (which was the norm) but it quadrupled. I thought this meant that I was “in the clear,” but my level was still hundreds below what “it should have been.” The nurse still told me to prepare for a miscarriage.
Miraculously, and to my surprise, I didn’t actually miscarry. I bled for several weeks and for many of those weeks, I didn’t actually know if I was miscarrying or if I was just bleeding for some unknown reason.
David and I met when we were in 6th grade. We had a short love affair during the summer of 7th grade and a drama filled 8th grade (I’ll spare you the details). We remained friends throughout high school, but rediscovered each other our senior year. We started dating during our senior year, got engaged in September of 2008 and got married in June 2009. We became dog parents in September of 2009 when Maggie joined our family.