Category Archives: Life as a Mom

Fear of Getting Older

I don’t write this in reference to me getting older (that’s what my eye cream is for!), but I’ve been experiencing something lately that I’m sure every mom can relate to: I don’t want my kids to grow up.

I know this may sound silly. I remember hearing other moms talk about it before I became a mom, and I just didn’t get it. Why wouldn’t you want your kids to grow up and get older?

Here’s the thing. Porter just turned 3 a few months ago, and Cayia is 8 months. Right now they are these perfect tiny human beings, and it’s almost as if I want to remember them like this always. I remember feeling this way when Porter was around Cayia’s age. The closer he got to 1, the more I freaked out, but with him, this fear of him getting older has been especially prominent lately. 

He amazes me every day. He isn’t even a toddler anymore. He is straight up little boy. He wants to do things by himself and he often says things like “No, don’t help me,” or “No, I do it myself.” And then I cry because I feel like he doesn’t need me anymore.

I know he does need me, and sometimes he will still walk up to me and say, “Mommy, hold me?” and if I’m able and not holding Cayia, I always snatch him up in my arms. Who knows when I’ll no longer be able to do that (or worse, when he stops asking.) 


The other night we were putting Porter to bed, and he crawled into my lap and put his head on my shoulder, and I swear my heart just burst. I wrapped my arms around him and just hugged him. Sure, his legs were dangling off my lap, but I held him “like a baby” as he says, and kissed his head and cherished the moment.  

Porter is so damn smart. I know every parent probably thinks this about her own child, but I am amazed by how much he learns and retains every day.  For Christmas, David’s sister bought Porter a Thomas Me Reader Electronic Library. He loves it.  All the pictures on the fronts of the books are almost identical, but somehow he can decipher between them. He knows which one is Helpful Thomas versus Thomas Makes a Wish. Truthfully, if I only had the pictures to go off of, and the titles weren’t there, I honestly wouldn’t know which book was which.  

He also knows what a semi-circle is. I don’t know why, but I can’t get over this. The other day we were coloring in his Thomas coloring book (do you see a trend?) and on Thomas’s body, there is a semi-circle. Out of nowhere he said, “I’m gonna color the semi-circle blue.” My jaw dropped. Who the heck taught you what a semi-circle was, kid?  I then quizzed him and opened to a bunch of pages and asked him to find me other semi-circles. 


I am also amazed by his vocabulary and pronunciation of most words. I think most people who met him now would not believe that he was ever in speech therapy. He can say delicious (and it’s so cute because he stresses the lish part), temperature, and ankylosaurus to name a few.  He still pronounces waffles like faffles most of the time, though, and while I’m sure I should, I don’t correct him half the time because I think it’s so cute. 

And don’t get me started on Cayia. Right now she is the perfect size for snuggling. When I hold her vertically, her head fits perfectly on my shoulder and my arm perfectly under her butt. She snuggles so close, and it makes my hurt heart thinking that she probably won’t snuggle with me for very much longer. (Fun fact: I was looking through some papers the other day, and both Cayia and Porter were exactly 25 inches at their 6 month appointments. I can’t wait to compare their 9 month stats!) 


I can’t believe she’s closer to one now than she is to being a newborn. I know a lot of people say they are babies until they are two, but she doesn’t even seem like a baby anymore. At times I wonder what she’ll be like at Porter’s age, or I even try to imagine her 6 months from now, but then I stop myself because I feel like I’m wishing away all this time, and I want her to stay a baby forever. 


I spent some time yesterday organizing and sorting some of her clothes that no longer fit her into bins. There were so many adorable outfits that she was only able to wear once or twice, and it’s just hard to believe that she’s changing and growing so quickly. She gives the sweetest, biggest, gummiest smiles. In fact, every day when I pick her up from day care, I rush in to see her because I know a sweet smile awaits me. (Porter is a whole nother story, by the way. He always says “No!” when I arrive and whines that he wants to stay and play with his friends.) 

So, most days my life seems crazy, and most of the time I feel like I’m a part of an unwinnable rat race, as I multitask ten billion things as once. This is really really hard for me, but I need to try to slow down and ignore the craziness and the mess, and just accept this phase of motherhood. I need to let Porter stay up a few minutes later, and not think about the dishes when he begs to read “one more book.” I need to ignore the laundry that’s been sitting in the laundry basket for three days on the couch and get down on the floor with my kids instead. It’s going to take a lot of effort on my part, but I know that in a week, a month, a year, I’ll be glad that I did. 

While I’ll always see them as my babies, they’ll only be babies once. 


Lightning Strikes (and Some Favorites)

Well, a lot has happened since I last blogged when I posted Cayia’s 3 month pictures (and she’s turning 4 months this week–I can’t believe it!) 

A week and a half ago our house was struck by lightning at 3:43 a.m. (what a way to wake up!) We started to smell an electrical burning smell and heat was emitting from our air vents even though our a/c was on. Needless to say, I enjoyed my cup of coffee while watching a team of firemen investigate my house and admired the light show that the three fire trucks were creating outside. 

We have a few thousand dollars worth of damages that we’ll need to cover and then we’re crossing our fingers that our insurance is easy to work with and that they cover the rest.  We were without internet for about a  week, and we just got new garage door systems and a new dryer. I never knew how much I would miss a dryer until I was without one for a week! There’s still a long list of repairs, but we’re just thankful that it wasn’t worse.  In fact, the baby monitor camera that was hanging in Cayia’s room left a burn mark on the wall and took off some of the paint. It could have easily started a fire, so while all of this is a hassle to deal with, we know we should thanking our lucky stars.

Although it’s not Friday, I originally intended to post this on the Friday that our house was struck and since we just got our internet back up and running, here are a few of the things I’m loving lately (albeit a little lot late!) 

A friend recently sent me this article called 24 Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant or New Mom, and it made me laugh. #5 is the worst, especially when you go past your due date like I did with both babies. 

I have been using this CoverGirl Super Sizer mascara lately, and twice now people have asked me if I’m wearing false lashes. I have naturally long lashes as it is, but this mascara gives it some added length and volume. I do not twirl it like it suggests (because I’m not that coordinated). I just apply it like I would any other mascara. 

Even though it’s not super chilly out, Cayia’s hands and feet tend to get cold when we’re hanging out at home. I’ve been putting these adorable Luvable Friends booties on her lately, and not only can she not kick them off, but they automatically make any outfit look cuter. They’re super affordable, and I think I’m going to get another pair in a different color! 

I recently bought this open front cardigan from Old Navy in the mushroom color and I’m obsessed. It’s going to be perfect for fall. I can’t wait for the weather to get a bit cooler so I can wear it with some skinnies and boots. Can you believe it’s almost October?!

Are you familiar with the Pigeon books? We have this set and Porter loves them. He chooses to read them every night before bed, and he has Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus memorized. It’s so adorable to hear him recite it. Since he loves them so much, they have a few other ones that I’m planning to buy him for Christmas. 

And I’ll leave you with one of my favorite pictures to date. Porter’s face is just precious!


Creating a Baby’s First Year Photo Book

I’ve been a terrible, no good, horrible blogger lately. Forgive me as I try to  get used to being back at work during the day and feeling like I am always chasing a crazy boy around while simultaneously trying to cook dinner and feed a three month old during the late afternoons and evenings. 

You might assume that this post has to do with compiling pictures for Cayia’s future first year book, but you would be wrong. This post is about Porter’s first year book–yeah, forget the fact that he’s almost three. It has taken me this long to create his first year book. Actually, I finished it a few months ago, but regardless, it did take me about a year and a half after he turned one. Pathetic, I tell ya.

first year photo book

I used Shutterfly for some other books that I’ve made in the past, but I wanted to try Mixbook because I had a friend who made some gorgeous books, and I wanted to check it out. 

The hardest part was deciding which pictures to include, but I am really happy with how it turned out! Here are some of my favorite pages. 

mixbook-1 mixbook-2 mixbook-3 mixbook-4

I adore this picture of David and Porter! mixbook-5mixbook-6 mixbook-7 mixbook-8 mixbook-9 mixbook-10 mixbook-11

You can even upload your instagram photos! mixbook-12 mixbook-13

You can view the whole album here

Overall, I was very pleased with the creation process–they have tons of templates that make it super easy–and I was even happier with the final product. The customer service is top notch, too. The first book they sent me had an error on the cover, and not only did they replace it for free, but they sent me a gift card to use for a future purchase. 

Right now through Monday, September 7 everything at Mixbook is 40% off with code LBD40.  You can also get a 20 page 11×8.5″ hardcover photo book for only $19 with code LBDYBKS (a 52% savings!) And no, this isn’t a sponsored post. I was truly just that impressed with Mixbook and their service. 

My goal is to make Cayia’s first year book a lot closer to her actual first birthday. Maybe with Mixbook, that will actually happen. 


Motherhood: When it Seems Like Someone is Playing a Joke on You

When it’s Monday and you’re trying to get your baby and your toddler in the door while also carrying the diaper bag, your purse, your breast pump, your school bag, and the mail. You open the door from the garage into the house and your 140 pound dog about knocks you over. You drop the mail and your toddler is saying “Mommy, play outside?” fifty times over and you say “No, honey. Mommy has to feed the baby” while the baby is screaming because she is hungry.  

You finally get in the door and undress enough (tmi?) to feed the baby when your toddler forgets about playing outside and asks if he can play on his Nabi. You agree because you want the baby to stop screaming and you don’t know what you’re saying. 

You start feeding the baby, and everything seems calm for about .42 seconds but then your toddler gives you the face–you know–the poop face.  You ask “Do you have to go to the potty?” and he says “No” but you know it’s only because he wants to keep playing on his Nabi.  He makes another face and grabs at his butt, and you know you don’t have much time. You say “Let’s go to the potty,” and your toddler says “No! Nabi! Nabi!” and buries his head in his hands, so you say “Okay! Bring the Nabi!” because you’re positive there’s about to be a poop explosion. You put the baby down and run to the bathroom with your toddler.  

You make it to the bathroom and your toddler successfully poops on the potty. You do a dance, flush the toilet, wash your hands and race back to the baby who has been screaming this whole time.

You start feeding the baby again and just as you start to congratulate yourself for preventing a catastrophe your toddler farts except you know it wasn’t just a fart and a look of horror flashes across his face.  He looks towards the bathroom, so you put the baby down again and the dog starts barking at the UPS guy or the neighbor or clouds in the sky. 

You pull your toddlers shorts and undies down and he says “Thomas is sad” because there’s poop in his undies and you feel bad for your toddler because he actually thinks Thomas the train is mad at him. He goes poop again in the potty, and while you pretend like the baby isn’t screaming, you do a little dance, dump the poop, flush the toilet, leave the dirty undies on the floor (for now), wash your hands, let your toddler run around naked from the waist down, and go back to feeding the baby.  

Your husband comes home and because you’ve had to deal with sad Thomas the train and near poop explosions, you’re still feeding the baby even though you started nearly an hour ago. 

You scrap your plans for dinner and decide that it’s a good night for pizza. 

Did I mention that it’s Monday?